This Week’s TV Guide

1st September 2010

Citizen GreyAcumen wrote to the City 17 Times’ offices this week to remind us that choosing TV shows to watch is difficult without knowing what is on and when!

So this week we present our TV GUIDE:


This week CJ, Stephanie (Who has just got engaged to William – congrats guys!), Summer and Sparkle, find themselves all falling for the silent, bearded stranger who is passing through town. Of course, girls being girls, they all plan ways to be alone with him but one of the others always interrupts

The menfolk of this small quaint seaside resort begin to feel resentment towards the stranger and eventually run him out of town. This is a classic episode as it finds all the lifeguards in the water at once during a particularly steamy splash session.

Our Opinion: Highly recommend.
Day and Time: Channel 1: Mondays at 4:00am, No repeat showings

Two and a Half Zombies

In this mildly amusing sit-com, two brothers, who have been turned into zombies, go about their daily brain search. In tow is their un-mated headcrab called Jack. The show is a little repetitive but has the occasional funny line; perfect after a hard day in the factories, it’s just what you need: brainless entertainment.

Our Opinion: Only if there’s nothing else to watch
Day and Time: Channel 1: Mondays thru’ Friday at 9:00PM, repeated 11:00PM and 2:00AM


Who can resist watching the CivIl Protection OfficerS show? Watching these lovable rogues break down doors and “protect” citizens from themselves is a hoot. The current season has focused on three inept but interesting characters: Noah, Larson and Eloise. Can they stop a rebel uprising? Can they do what they are supposed to? Can they be more stupid? (Who writes these lines? Chandler?)

Our Opinion: MUST WATCH
Day and Time: Channel 1: Wednesday at 10:00PM, repeated 11:00PM and 12:00AM

Late Night with Canon O’Breen

What self respecting City doesn’t have a late night guest show? None and City 17 has the best. Canon has been interviewing guests for longer than we can remember. On tonight’s show he chats with Jamie Oliver about those recent food parcels, Citizen Samuel G-11789RF who recently witnessed the treacherous rebel attack on innocent civilians in D sector and finally the winner of City 17 Idol competition!

Our Opinion: We couldn’t start laughing
Day and Time: Channel 1: Thursday at 11:00PM, No repeats

Who Wants To Be Fed Next Month

In this weekly quiz show, citizens fight for the right to be guaranteed a place on the work rota. Starting in a group section, one lucky contestant goes through to answer 12 increasingly difficult questions. Nobody has won for the last 27 shows but we have high hopes for this week’s show.

Think you can do better? Here’s a starting question for you:
What’s the minimum number of carriages of a razer train?
1, 2, 3, or 4.
Watch tonight’s episode to find out if you were right.

Our Opinion: Worth watching, even if it’s just to dream
Day and Time: Channel 1: Saturday and Sunday at 4:00PM, No other repeats

Yes, of course there’s more!

For full listing of shows and times, please see page 16 of this week’s edition.

Learn more about the City 17 Times news posts.


  1. Oh boy, I can see that this week will be horrible. How am I going to ignore all those CP’s raiding my home 24/7 for no reason if there are no good shows on TV? At least “Two and a Half Zombies” its brainless entertrainment.

    1. How am I going to ignore all those CP’s raiding my home 24/7 for no reason

      Dear Citizen, never ignore them. Clearly you have transgressed without knowing and take the beatings in the manner they are given: to help and enlighten you. Civil Protection love all Citizens and do what they do because of that love. Rejoice, you are loved.

    2. LITERALLY, when the headcrab latches onto your head!!

  2. The special effects in lighthousewatch are really amazing, you’d almost think that’s real water that they’re swimming in. It’s really added in later with computers.

    1. I suggest you sit down Citizen Grey, I am about to shock you. The water was real, yes real. The show has been given special dispensation by the Administrator to use “water in a frivolous way”. It’s another example of his kindness.

      And let’s not forget that the only computers allowed are the Universal Union’s and they are too important to use on mere “special effects”.

      1. Wait… if there aren’t any special effects, then how do they manage those incredibly realistic scenes that they have in every episode where someone gets eaten alive by an ichthyosaur or leeches?



        1. oh…

          Exactly. That’s what I call dedication to acting.

          1. Well, you can’t fault an actor for being dedicated, especially when they’re as talented as that. I’ve watched over 43 episodes and have yet to see any of the actors who play “Universal Union Detractor #XXXXXX” break character during those scenes, tossing out epitaphs like “Breen will get his eventually!” and “You can never break our spirit!” even as they meet their gurgling end.

            and wait, this makes so much sense now! I thought I recognized one of my neighbors while I was watching the show. I had been really worried when I heard sounds of insurrection from his room, but he must have just been practicing for his part. He totally had me fooled too; claiming that he hated the show and that it was an insult to humanity. I totally had no clue that he was an actor all along.

      2. Not to mention not quite powerful enough to run an alarm clock AND its snooze function at the same time.

        Besides, we all know the Xen stole all the water… why would the seashores have receded so far otherwise??

  3. Pyro

    Wait, page 16? I was distinctly under the impression this newspaper only printed 3 pages. Eh, maybe it’s because you have to exchange ration units for more pages. I’m just not sure anymore…

    Also, is the answer 4? I’ve never even seen one with that few carriages.

    1. Dear Citizen Pyro, We must confess to a printing error. You are almost correct; there are only 4 pages to the newspaper. What we meant to say was “PARAGRAPH 16” not “PAGE 16”. Please accept our humblest apologies. We trust it won’t stop you from reading the City 17 Times.

      1. Pyro

        Of course it will not. Everyone makes mistakes. And besides, it’s kinda hard not to when you’re the only paper I can get my hands on. I can’t remember the last time a saw a book, at least with all the pages.

        1. THis is because we’ve all had to use them as toilet paper…

          …then again, that’s about what the City17 Times is worth…

          1. As much as that!
            Toilet Paper is very valuable indeed these days.

  4. john

    man, I have been missing a lot. my t.v. broke when civil protection came in and thumped me. for no reason I might add. I had borrowed it and the guy was standing at the stair well. I was so scared that I took, I mean borrowed one from a lady down the hall. the guy at the stair well just ignored me, wouldn’t speak to me, wouldn’t move nothing. so I placed it at his feet and went back into my room. I guess I will stay here till I hear about a update.
    snicker… maybe you recognize the storyline*..
    p.s. is voldergaunts gone wild still on, I use to love that show.

    *citizen 17 after the steam update.

    1. Hey citizen, that happened to me in my block. I had to report that chap to Civil Protection for obstructing a fellow in the pursuit of his business! Funny, but nobody spoke to me after that so I stayed home and read the latest copy of “Mr Breen”. Yea, I know it’s a bit illegal but it is a real laugh in these troubled times and the ‘times is so dismal.
      Some long frustrating time later!!..
      Someone’s at the door; no they’ve kicked it down!!!!!!!blarp!

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