Better Food for City 17 Residents

28th July 2010

Celebrity Chef Jamie Oliver has chosen or been chosen to relocate to our very own City 17. So let’s give him a warm welcome.

Taking a break from his School Dinners campaign, especially since that there are no children around, Jamie has decided that he wants to focus on improving the quality of food distributed via the Food Dispensers found throughout the city.

Many a citizen has been heard to mumble “You gotta be damn hungry to wait in line for this crap.” and we can all understand those sentiments.

After many hours searching, we finally caught up with Jamie in his damp and squalid apartment building. He couldn’t speak for long because he had sewer cleaning duty but he did have this to say…having found myself in this God-forsaken city the only thing I can do to stop myself committing suicide is to do what I do best – make a big fuss about food.”

So, there you have it from the man himself!

Administrator Breen was kind enough to give a brief interview to the City 17 Times and after giving a monologue for 22 minutes, finally reached the part about food. Pausing to take a much needed breath, he said “…of course, the quality of the food, so generously supplied by our benefactors, is beyond reproach, but clearly the human population clings to its desire for gaudy, tasty food and in this instance, I will allow this chef to alter the recipe slightly in the interests of Citizen harmony..”

He continued for another 11 minutes but we need not repeat what he said here.

We then took to the streets to chat with some fellow citizens to gauge their response to the news. Most said Who? when we mentioned Jamie’s name but a few enlightened souls almost managed a smile.

At the time of writing no new food packages have been seen but we are told by Administrator Breen’s office that they will have a blue strip instead of the standard red, so that’s something else to look forward to!

Learn more about the City 17 Times news posts.


  1. Da Fat Cat

    This is like the Onion of Half-Life

  2. Wow… I don’t know why, but I thought that line at the beginning of the game had been for clothing, not food.

    1. Pyro

      No, it is clothes. It’s just it’s also the food; try not to think about it too hard.

  3. Stratofarius

    I tip my hat to you.

    That is genius.

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