Have you submitted your status report to the administrator today? – Fan Fiction Event

1st April 2018

I am pleased to say that this fan fiction event seems to have been a success.

7 reports were received, each with a differing style and tone.

The link to the PDf is below, along with a poll for you to vote for your 3 favourite entries.

Thanks to all who entered. There will be another fan fiction event in May.

Read the Reports.

Left-clicking the link below will open the PDF report in your modern browser. Right-click, to have the option of saving it to your computer. It’s approximately 184KB.

Single Player First Person Shooter Maps and Mods for Half-Life 1, 2 and Episodes 1, 2 and 3


I don’t normally offer prizes for fan fiction events, but this time there will be 2 random Steam games on offer: one for the my favourite entry and one randomly selected entry. This means that just by entering you have a chance to win a game.

Phillip’s Favourite

I’ve yet to read all the entries and will post my winner this week.

Readers’ Favourite

The poll closes on 10th April.
Select your 3 favourite reports.

Which are your 3 favourite Status Reports?

  • Dr. A. Johansson - Sector C Test Labs (22%, 11 Votes)
  • Dr. Walter Posnell - Head of the Department for Occupational Safety and Standards (16%, 8 Votes)
  • Ken Kurtulik - Director, Advanced Biological Research Labs (4%, 2 Votes)
  • Patricia Holden - Psychotherapist (18%, 9 Votes)
  • Dr Jacobs - Sector C Status Report (4%, 2 Votes)
  • Dr. Issac Kliener - Hazardous Environment Material Supervisor (2%, 1 Votes)
  • Simon O'Connor - Hospitality & Catering Manager (14%, 7 Votes)
  • Dr. Head, Chief of Specimen Integration - Biodome Complex (18%, 9 Votes)

Total Voters: 19

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This has to be one of the most quoted lines from the original Half-Life. Just a quick line that somehow makes the place feel real. The same as the complaint about the ties.

For this fan fiction event, I would like you to write a status report for a real (seen in Half-Life) or fictional department.

Your report must be no more than 600 words.

It can be serious – adding lore to the Half-Life universe.
It can be funny – making fun of existing or new characters.
It can be scientific – using real world knowledge.
It can be hypothetical – create your own physics!
It can be a combination of the above, it’s up to you.

Entry Deadline

Please send your entry, via email, either as a txt attachment or even written in the email itself, to [email protected], not later than 11:59pm GMT Saturday 31st march 2018.


All entries must be safe for work.
All entries MUST be in English (sorry).
Authors may enter as many reports as they wish.
Phillip’s decision is final regarding winners.
No purchase necessary.
Other weird rules may be added later.

Quick British Versus American Grammar Note

As many of you may have noticed, I changed the original quote which was “Did you submit your status report to the administrator today?“. For British people, TODAY is considered unfinished time and feels more natural to use the Present Perfect tenses. Also “did” would be used with past time clauses like “yesterday”. I hope my change doesn’t create any internal creative conflict, hereby known as ICC.

American and British English entries are both welcome.

Other Fan Fiction Events

I would like to encourage ALL readers to take a look at the previous Fan Fiction Events. There are some great entries in there.


  1. Done and sent. 😀

  2. I’ve sent mine in.Hope you enjoy it!

  3. I counted eight reports, one of which is missing from the voting.

  4. While it didn’t make it as a vote of mine, I’d like to tip my hat to the author of the OSS report – that piece is brilliant and almost reads like a mapdesigner’s criticism at Black Mesa mapping. Kudos!

    1. Thanks man! I was afraid everyone would try a direction like mine, but they were all really good and unique.

      I found the psych report funniest myself.

      1. Agreed, the psych evaluation of Gordon comes in a close second to the Biodome Integration on my list of favourites!

  5. It’s always fun to read Half-Life fan fiction and there is so much to write about. I’m not qualified to give any advice to the authors, but I have written a little bit for each submission.

    Dr. Head, Chief of Specimen Integration – Biodome Complex – Submitted by Urby

    I am sure most of you noticed the author’s name and had a quick laugh. Anyway, Urby definitely has the comic touch here and one can’t help but feel sorry for the staff he supervises, Especially Dr. Phiilips, Dr. MArlowe and of course Officer Noden, although it sounds like it was his own fault.

    Definitely enjoyed this one and would even like to see a monthly column from Dr. Head.

    Simon O’Connor – Hospitality & Catering Manager – Submitted by Flavio Mauri

    Gosh! This is serious. It could easily have been a real report. I suspect that Mr. O’Connor’s subordinates think he has stick up his you-know-what.

    It’s well written and fun to read.

    Dr. Issac Kliener – Hazardous Environment Material Supervisor – Submitted by Kevin Martinez

    I like the idea of a report from Dr. Kliener just before the test, but the report seems to cover too many unrelated topics.

    Dr Jacobs – Sector C Status Report – Submitted by BFG2000

    This is a short and sweet submission. I particularly liked this phrasing “Sadly where there is progress there are bound to be disappointments and setbacks.

    Patricia Holden – Psychotherapist – Submitted by Phillip Marlowe AKA PlanetPhillip

    This is my submission, obviously, so I won’t say too much. I kept planning to write soemthing but the time was passing so quickly, I wrote it quickly. That’s not to say it would have been any better if I had taken longer. Hope you enjoyed it.

    Ken Kurtulik – Director, Advanced Biological Research Labs – Submitted by Ken Kurtulik

    This definitely made me smile. It sounds like its author, both real and imaginary, are used to writing these sports of reports. The phrase “our current-good-specimen-practices (cGSP) are stringent” also sounds too much like a real world scenario. That plus the wording of “coupling” linked to the clip-on ties was a really nice touch.

    Dr. Walter Posnell – Head of the Department for Occupational Safety and Standards – Submitted by MatttheCzar

    This was great. I love the reference to lack of ramps (which regular readers know is a pet peeve of mine) and also the reference to the “astounding process required to open a section of the Lambda Core for maintenance< "

    Dr. A. Johansson – Sector C Test Labs – Submitted by Marut

    Not only was the formatting a nice touch, but I actually really enjoyed reading this. This is one of the few “non-comedic” ones but manages to sound scientific and interesting at the same time.

    Summary and Favourite

    Keeping the word limit to 600 seemed to work well. There was a range of styles from a range of imaginary authors.

    Choosing a favourite is always hard but I have to say that Dr. A. Johansson – Sector C Test Labs – Submitted by Marut was my favourite. I’ll be contacting Marut in the next day or so to send them a random Steam game.

    The readers’ award poll is open until 20th April, so vote for your 3 favourite stories now. Since I gave a game away for my favourite, I decided not to vote.

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