The City 17 Times has received reports that Dr. Kleiner and a small group of resistance commanders have left the city on what has been described by one Resistance member as “A bold move”.
Apparently Dr. Kleiner and his team have gone to meet Cesar Millan, a renowned Dog trainer. You may know him as the Dog Whisperer.
Reports suggest that stockpiles of ammunition are so low that “alternative” methods of dealing with the increasing headcrab infestation have to be explored.
The idea is to teach the commanders the right way to deal with headcrabs and with a little dog psychology a way can be found to control them. Techniques include nothing more than confident body language, alpha male behaviour and little kick ass “ttsscch” sounds.
Dr Kleiner believes that with his experience with his pet headcrab, Lamarr, he has an advantage over the commanders, who, for the most part have never seen a headcrab face to beak.
Our mole within the group has said that so far 6 commanders have been killed, with another 5 receiving serious head wounds. Research suggests that debeaking the headcrab has the same effect as neutering a dog, therefore the commanders must work with live and aggressive headcrabs.
It is rumoured that Cesar has almost complete control over the headcrabs but is unable to teach the commanders the same level of control.
There was a similar plan to try with antlions but apparently no volunteers were received.
On a related note, another “alternative method” project was cancelled last month when a spray form of Viagra was tested on headcrabs in the hope that they would attack each other. Unfortunately the human testers forgot to wear protective clothing and the results were the reverse. No headcrab survive an encounter with a human but once the suppression field is eventually lifted the testers won’t be able to father children.
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